28 + 23 + 15 + 13 =79

4 children

I have been a mother for 28 years.
#1 is 28
#2 is 23
#3 is 15
and
# 4 is 13

That equates to 79 years of parenting experience!!!
Plus another 36 months of pregnancy experience ūüėÄ
So why is it today I feel completely useless as a parent, I feel like I haven’t got a clue what I’m doing?
Am I giving them too much freedom, maybe they need more structure in their lives, do I enroll them in swimming, dance and piano? Take them to church? Ask that they do more around the house?
Am I teaching them what they need to know to succeed in life? Uggghhhhh!!!!
My self-confidence as a mother has disappeared, virtually non-existent.
I am questioning my parenting skills.
Could it be because I am living with two teenaged girls?
Is it because I have been so busy with work in the past and now that I’m home I’m realizing everything I haven’t been paying attention too?
I seem to be “debating” with #4 all the time, #3 doesn’t seem to want to spend any time with me. #2 has moved to Guelph which is 3 1/2 hours away, and I can never seem to “find” the time to go and visit. (she is not happy)
#1 and I haven’t spoken to or seen in quite some time and I miss him desperately.
However…..
#1 and #2 are functioning, happy young adults making their way through the world, they are good, kind, responsible people, #3 is one of the kindest, funniest kids around and #4 has fabulous debating skills and is a great friend to many, maybe I should stop questioning myself today!?

I guess maybe some days are just like that…

“Behind every great kid
Is a Mom
Who is pretty sure
She’s screwing it all up!”

Angie – Chapter 46

new chapter

I have been unemployed for 2 1/2 weeks.

I had only been working for the “boss man” for 5 years.¬† My job became a part of me and I felt I was a part of it…I miss Bentley most of all “my” beautiful golden retriever.

My first week was spent nursing a cold and coming to grips that I was no longer employed.

My second week was spent coming to grips with not being employed and turning 46.

I’m 1/2 way through week 3 and guess what…..I’m doing¬†ok. ūüėÄ

I’ve found that I have been going through¬†a full spectrum of emotions, shock,¬†sadness,¬†denial, anger and today frustrated.¬† I’ve even considered smacking my head against the wall….just kidding.

I have taken the “everything happens for a reason” approach.¬† What I was doing was never my passion, it wasn‚Äôt a ‚Äúgreat fit‚ÄĚ for me, but still good experience and I learned a lot from it, ALWAYS take something away from EVERY experience!

I love being home, really cooking again, having time to clean, being emotionally available for my kids, enjoying walks with the dogs and just taking time to breathe and starting this new chapter in my life.

I’m not quite sure what I’m going to do next or what the future will bring, but¬†I’m kind of excited about the possibilities.

My new daily mantra has become this:

“keep trying, keep believing, be happy,¬†don’t get discouraged, things will work out” – Gordon B Hinckley.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Finding Beauty and Awesomeness.

This post may be a little sappy, crazy or a little bit of both
or
maybe ¬†you’ll agree¬† ūüėÄ

camping etc 029

I’ve always noticed the beauty in everything around me, but lately I seem to be paying more attention and appreciating more.¬† I am starting to appreciate my friends and family¬†even more than I did before, finding joy in the glitter on the snow at night when the moon is full, the silence outside early in the morning….what’s going on?¬†¬† ūüėÄ

We’ve received a ton of snow this winter and everyone has just about had it including myself, it seems to snow everyday and when it’s not snowing its brutally cold.¬† I still find myself looking at snow drifts and the way the snow hangs off the trees and roofs.¬† Looking at the moon when I’m out with the dogs and seeing nothing but blue all around me…and I love it!!¬† I’m smiling more, even if I see a funny looking vegetable at the grocery store I find my self smiling.

I was out on Friday night and it was cold and blowy, I was driving the kids to the dance¬†that’s held every month¬†..¬† The wind was so strong it was blowing the snow across the highway , swirling and jumping across the highway¬†and¬†in the headlights it was one of the most beautiful things I’ve seen, I mentioned it the girls sitting in that back seat, they all just kind of groaned and went back to chatting and listening to music..I even noticed how the wind was blowing flags on the lamp posts¬†around¬† town!¬† And again mentioned it to the girls and was greeted with more groans ūüėÄ

The more I think about it its a little bit like the book The Book of Awesome¬†finding the little simple things in life that make us happy like warm underwear out of the dryer .¬† ūüėÄ

I’ll have to admit its beginning to drive me a little crazy, everywhere I look I find something to appreciate. ūüėÄ

The author of The Book of Awesome Neil Pasricha says this:¬† “It’s easy to forget the things that make us smile.¬† With a 24/7 news cycle reporting that the polar ice caps are melting, hurricanes are swirling in the seas, wars are heating up around the world, and the job market is in a deep freeze, it’s tempting to feel that world is falling apart.¬† But awesome thins are all around us – sometimes we just need someone to point them out.”¬† he goes on to say “it seems like maybe these tiny little moments make an awesome difference in many of our rushed, jam-packed lives.¬† Maybe we all love snow days, peeling an orange in one shot, and popping bubble wrap.”

I think Neil and I¬†must have had similar mothers ūüėÄ

I do¬†have my mother to thank for this, growing up she’d always say oh look at this, look at that, look how the waves are coming up on shore, look up close¬†at the dew on the grass¬†blah blah blah ūüėĬ† When I was younger I’d say things like “yes mum, that flower is pretty” ” yes I see how pretty the moon is” and on and on, she was and still is forever taking photos, when we are camping or going for walks, out for dinner¬†there is my¬†mum, oh stop right there, oh that’s beautiful, I’ve got to take a picture.¬† ūüėÄ

Mum¬†finds beauty and awesomeness in everything too, she even sees¬†the beauty in¬†a sushi roll ūüėÄ

Sushi_rolls_by_lava_tomato

lava-tomato.deviantart.com

I now have a much greater appreciation for everything around me.  To see the beauty and the awesomeness in the little things.

Thank you Mum for showing me how to see the beauty¬†in everyday things and people¬†it is¬†the best gift you’ve ever given me.

xoxoxo

Thursday, Thursday.

paper 2

Good Thursday Morning to you!

My Holiday is over, I am back to work today. ūüė¶

I have had a wonderful break from work and spent a lot of time with my family.

I sent a text to my boss wishing him a Happy New Year,¬† also asking if he missed me…. a little joke we play with each other when either one of us is away for an extended period,¬†the response I got was:
“Happy New Year to you to¬†Lady, you need to come to work tomorrow your desk is covered in paper!!”
Ahhhhhh can’t you¬†just feel the love ūüėÄ ūüėÄ

I know he missed me…I just know it!!!!
ūüėÄ ūüėÄ ūüėÄ
(I was scheduled to work today and tomorrow anyway)

Hope you all have a wonderful day!

‚ČąLaugh loudly, Love generously, Care deeply, Speak kindly‚Čą

MIA

I have been MIA for the last week or so, I don’t really have a good¬†explanation as to¬†my absence¬†, however, Daughter #1 has moved into her own apartment, Daughter #2 has been cutting a couple of classes and Daughter #3 has joined the school basketball team, work has been busy and Christmas is just around the corner annndd¬†Bentley Baby is visiting again.

I am also someone whom Daughter #3 has called “not very festive”…… I am festive at this time of year at least I try to be.¬† The last few years I have lost my Christmas spirit and I guess the “festive mask” I put on she can see right¬†through.

I used to love Christmas and now I just like it.  Christmas for me has just too many memories and, well, I guess I get a little melancholy at this time of year.  I thought I hid it well.

melon-collie

I haven’t seen my #1¬†son in quite a while, and I miss him.

wah wah wah.  I know, I know Angies Grapevine is a happy place to visit, it still is ,look

joy joy

See

happy happy

Last one ūüėÄ

more joy

Life is full of choices
and I choose
Happiness

‚ČąLaugh loudly, Love generously, Care deeply, Speak kindly‚Čą

The Cheerleaders

pom pom

My daughter put on a movie this afternoon and of course the previews for other movies available came on…

One of them was Bring it On, it was released in 2000,¬† a “teen comedy film” about a cheerleading squad.

It brought memories flooding back to my junior high school days.

It started even before junior high in 6th grade.

Carmen and Marlena the meanest girls in school.

I had a boyfriend in grade 6 Clint. ūüėĬ† Carmen and Marlena didn’t like that.¬†¬†In their eyes I ¬†was becoming popular.¬†¬† I was a fantastic runner and played soccer like a pro ūüėÄ and a boy actually liked me,¬† I was kind and a good friend to others and I had friends, not many but I had them. ūüėÄ

These two girls were snobby, mean and not well liked¬†and they were bullies. ¬†I¬†¬†played soccer with the boys and a couple of other girls, Marlena had a crush on one of the guys and didn’t like the fact that we were friends.¬† Both Jim and¬†were goalies and often talked about how we could improve, we both played soccer outside of¬†school, Jim had been a goalie longer than¬†I had¬†and would often teach me different things he’d learned. ¬†One day after school, the duo¬†were able to rally¬†enough people together to follow me home while yelling and¬†threatening me, let me just say I had never been so scared in my life, not to mention hurt.¬† Their “power” was incredible.. to get a small mob of kids together to follow me around while I was¬†alone…???!!

They both warned me in the school yard near the end of school that I would have a bad reputation at high school because I had a boyfriend and that I hung out¬†with the boys, ¬†I worried about it all summer long.¬† I didn’t want a bad reputation, heck I didn’t even know what that was….Clint and I just hung out together, and the guys were my friends, other girls were with us too, ¬†I didn’t understand.

In high school I broke school records for running.  My grades were ok and I had friends.  Not popular by any means but I was ok.

I really wanted to be on the cheerleading squad.¬†There were a couple of nasty girls on the team, guess who?..¬†Carmen and Marlena.¬† I will never forget these two miserable girls who made my junior high years almost unbearable.¬†¬†The cheerleading team had already been formed, but I asked the Phys Ed teacher, Mrs. Wauldhauser if I could join……I can’t remember exactly all the details but I do remember Carmen and Marlena saying that if I was allowed to try out for the squad that they would quit, they¬†¬†were able to get the other girls to go along with it, including the teacher!!!¬† I never got a chance to try out and of course¬†never became a cheerleader.

And there were the whispers behind hands and lockers…and glaring looks.

I wish I could meet up with those two miserable girls again…¬† Actually¬†on second thought nah, not worth my time or energy.

Even as I type this, tears are coming to my eyes, those two girls caused so much hurt and took so much away from me and made my high school years just awful.

It’s amazing how¬†one or two people can change your destiny and your dreams….Secondary school was nearly non-existent¬†for me, I went to¬†alternative schools, one was called AISP, Alternative Independent Study¬†School, for kids who didn’t fit into the¬†“mainstream” education system, they didn’t have a cheerleading squad¬†or a¬†track team, it was a school that had a variety of students,¬†rock star wanna bes ¬†,artists , computer geeks and athletes like¬†Carling Bassett a young¬†professional tennis player, and there were kids like me who just didn’t fit. Thanks to the Marlenas¬†and Carmens of the world. in my case.

I do have a pretty amazing life, with 4 healthy children, an incredibly crazy and supportive family, great friends and of course,
this blog ūüėÄ ūüėÄ

So I guess without some of¬†these things happening when I was younger,¬†it would not have made me the strong, independent,¬†tolerant, open-minded¬†and caring person I am, I would not have had the¬†experiences that I did, ¬†that helped mold me into who I am, and¬†it would not have made me set the bar higher¬†to be a better person and¬†never ever¬†to be like you…rah, rah, rah!

So there Carmen and Marlena………I win!!

To be fair to these two, I have no idea what their home life was like so maybe I shouldn’t be so harsh…..

 Your words have power, use them wisely.

Spinning Top

As some of you know I have gained some weight over the last few years…..close to 30 pounds to be exact!!
I’ve always been one of the lucky ones and have never struggled with my weight always eating what I want never watching calories.
I have always gotten exercise in some shape or form and I’ve never been one for going to the gym or joining classes.
I became ill a few years ago and¬†my activities have been limited since.¬†¬† I get discouraged to quickly and just give up thinking “oh you can’t do this and you can’t do that” so you may as well sit on your butt and eat and drink yourself into oblivion!
The weight seems to have settled in my middle section making me look much like a spinning top!
spinning-top-harlequin-tin-toy-polaroid-www_childrensdept_com_au
Each day I wake up I think “ok today is the day!”¬† Do your yoga, go for a walk and watch what you eat!!!
I spend more time thinking about how I’m going to lose the weight and the exercises¬†I will do than I actually doing anything at all!
If I spent the amount of time I do thinking about it I’d be in great shape! ūüėÄ
When I turned on the computer this morning it opened up to MSN I scrolled through looking at all the latest news and Hollywood gossip, and came upon the horoscopes.
There were different categories to choose from so I chose “wellness” and this is what it said:
Elvis Presley died of heart failure. Got your attention? If you don’t understand “fat,” it is time to go on the internet and do fifteen minutes worth of research. You need to protect your heart against high cholesterol. Saturated fat (animal products and dairy) stimulates the liver to make LDL cholesterol, and there is overwhelming evidence proving its adverse affect on the arteries. Unsaturated fat is better: avocado, peanut and olive oil. Live and learn!
Enough said!
Time for Ang to get a grip, it’s not so much about looking good,¬†it’s about getting rid of this fat I’m hauling around…heart disease¬†is the #1 killer in my family and I’m carrying the worst type of fat “BELLY FAT”¬†,¬† I’m already at a high risk for stroke or heart attack I’ve been given a heck of a¬†warning sign and still…
So once again wish me luck in saying Bye Bye to my constant companion,  Visceral fat !!
Laugh loudly, Love generously, Care deeply, Speak kindly

Out of the mouth of daughter # 3

old soul

My youngest daughter¬†Ms. #3¬†is an “old soul”.

She is very insightful like many children but sometimes the thoughts in her head blow me away..

Some, ok most mornings I’m a little short on time, she¬†often says “if you would organize your time better” or “lay out your clothes the night before” or my favorite “make our lunches the night before” …..apparently then I wouldn’t be running short on time!!!

This morning she said to me “you know the math you do with letters?” I said “yes, algebra” she says “yeah I love that kind of math, it’s so easy, I don’t even think my student teacher understands it..”¬†??? REALLY¬† ūüėĬ†

Tonight¬†the two of us are¬†watching tv and a new show¬†comes on called “Preachers’ Daughters” well Ms. Daughter #3 had something to say¬†about that too….

She said “you see what happens when your raise your kids¬†in a strict¬†household, that’s what happens,rebellion!”¬† as she “strictly” points at the t.v¬†.REALLY?¬†¬†First of all she is¬†under the age of 15¬†using the¬†phrases “strict¬†household” and “rebellion” and¬†¬†totally¬†grasping what can¬†happen in a “strict¬†household¬†”¬†….most of the time.

If memory serves me correctly my mother gave me a copy of this prayer when Ms. Daughter¬†#3¬†was born ūüėÄ

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next.

Amen.

ňúReinhold Niebuhrňú